Please note:  You may find our way or style of facilitating to be a bit different  In particular, in our circles you may experience longer stretches of stillness and silence from the Facilitator.  We love these silences, and find them to be filled with life!  We are drawn to the imminent, the emergent, the liminal.  We hope you will enjoy this also!  We come by the silences naturally, as Katherine is a bodyworker and energy healer, accustomed to working on non-verbal levels, and Karen a therapist in mind-body traditions and longtime student of meditation practices, who would "rather be deepening into natural awareness!'  We are also ongoing students of Francesca Mason Boring, trained in her 'phenomenological' style, meaning that we regard as most precious and valuable the information coming directly from the representatives.  So if we are observing a representative in process, we are likely joyfully, with wonderment and amazement to 'just wait' ... even for the after-ripples

You may wonder, What do I do during these silences?  Please enjoy!  Please enjoy experimenting to find what fits and suits you; relax, release into the experience, deepen, rest, rest more deeply, observe, notice where your attention wants to go, doze, wonder about your body sensations, the thoughts and emotions arising, see where you feel like connecting, feel for internal shifts ...

You may wonder,  Why is the facilitator just standing there?  When will she DO something?  if you see us very still and silent, we are probably tracking the tinier and slower movements of the representatives or the group; we are noticing  breath, gesture, gaze; or we may be holding space for the deepening and the shifts; or accompanying the seeker or a representative; or checking in with our body, heart, mind or intuition.  We may be asking parts of ourselves to step back; we may be feeling a movement toward some kind of offering to a representative.  Often we are softening our mind, experiencing 'the Field' - asking ourselves to abide in some kind of state of alert, relaxed wonderment, waiting for the signs of the next naturally arising movement  In our fast-paced and action-packed pace of our modern culture, we really love this, and it seems to open the space for representatives to naturally, authentically bring wonderful and often surprisingly helpful information. 

If as a representative or when seated in the circle as a supporter you get a very strong feeling or idea or urge, what is best thing to do?  Please go ahead and feel that feeling, sit with that idea or urge, deepen into it, track with it, experience it.  If it's in any way painful or strenuous, please respect your body, heart and mind - allow yourself to feel just enough to be able to report it as systemic information, and then releasing from it.  The feeling or sensation may shift or evolve as you hear from representatives, or as they move.  The facilitator may come over and ask  you to express what you've been feeling.

How about your electronic devices?  We respectfully request that you turn off and put away your devices.  We ask this for the same reasons that you might put away your devices when approaching a nesting robin, or while listening to a couple speaking their vows at a wedding, or attending a live performance of music or theater.  This supports and deepens the level of vivid experience, emotional intensity, release and healing ceremonies to arise naturally from the representatives.

We sometimes have 'Silent Breaks' ... in the Vipassana Meditation Tradition it's called 'the Noble Silence.'  It's the silence that welcomes us deeper into our actual felt experience, that can shelter us from the seemingly endless chatter of our minds.  It's time to savor, to marinate and saturate, to bask and soak and abide and dwell in the reverberations and flavors and echoes of the constellation that just ended.  Time to feel for yourself the ripples and potential shifts.  It honors the space and shifts within every participant in the circle.  Of course if a genuine need for speaking arises, we hope you will please speak!

Talking Circles Technology

It's a very deep and rich part of what Francesca Mason Boring has offered her trainees, and we are honored to share this with you.  It's a chance to really hear each other, to share what is true for ourselves in the moment.  We often hear our feelings or questions spoken by another.  It's so beautiful to experience the sound of each voice when we know all are free to speak their heart into a circle of listeners without interruption or 'cross-talk.'  With Talking Circles Technology there is a balance of listening and speaking, a rich foundation as each person 'puts their voice in the circle.'  Our Constellation Circles always open and close with an invitation to the group to practice Talking Circles Technology.

... and with respect and gratitude to Bert Hellinger, the originator of the Family Constellations form ....

(his words from Acknowledging What Is (pp 110-111)

"I help each individual to face what fate is presenting, even to look at death.  And I help the person bring healing strengths into play ... so that they can make contact with their own strengths.  When they leave, they are more peaceful and can live out their fate in harmony, whatever it is ... Yes, reality that is brought to light is helpful.  I don't do anything except simply bring things into the open. When someone can recognize and agree to reality, then he or she achieves greatness."

Constellation circles

From Francesca Mason Boring:


Allow the new image to work in you

Hellinger:  I'd like to draw your attention to something.  When a new issue arises or a new image develops, you can't act immediately.  That's an important point.  You shouldn't make any quick decisions.  The new image does the work itself, and after a while, it will be very clear what has to be done.  If you move too fast, you get ahead of your soul, and the new picture recedes.  So it's important not to make any rash decisions or take hasty actions.  Just continue exactly as before, without making any changes, until things become crystal clear.

Sometimes things will change without even noticing it; that is without any push from the ego. (P. 136)

-Supporting Love:  Bert Hellingers's Work with Couples (Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, Inc. Co. 2001

Hellinger:  Many people start making objections after a constellation, out of fear.  They go into their minds and start putting their new experiences in old theories and former experiences, and then the work is destroyed.  If you do that, you go out of the experience and into your thinking.  We then follow personal preferences  and beliefs; we are lead by something smaller than the full experience.

Unfortunately, many therapists help their clients make such objections.  Sometimes .. therapists experienced in other therapy forms try to follow up what happened in the constellation.  They may give advice or interpret in a way that softens what happened so that it has no longer its original power.  That kind of helpful interpretation and advice is actually a form of objection ...

The other thing is, it is no use to try to remember what happened in the constellation.  The soul know is.  Most people forget completely what happened, and that's a sign of the quality of the work.  Really helpful work is beyond thinking. (P178-179)

-Touching Love, Volume 2:  A Teaching Seminar with Bert Hellinger and Hunter Beaumont

Copyright:  1999 by Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag

Hellinger:  ​There's another point to consider.  Much of what we work with here is the result of entanglements that a family system imposed on a child, and that child accepted out of love.  They often are things we didn't choose and couldn't defend ourselves against.  Working at that level exposes both our child's loyalty and our innocent defenselessness.  People feel safer opening up to that level when they don't have to worry about comments, criticism, feedback, or suggestions from other group members.  No matter how well meaning, comments can easily hurt and shame that tender place where we all still love innocently, like little children.  Group process and group dynamics care effective methods for other tasks, but they just don't offer the level of safety we need in order to work as we do here. (P.194)

Love's Own Truths, Bonding & Balancing in Close Relationships, Bert Hellinger

Copyright:  2001 by Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, Inc.

​(With permission from Francesca Mason Boring)